Thursday, June 19, 2014

Exposed and Nauseous

I sat at the DMV this morning, waiting for Henry to complete (and pass!) his driver's permit test. He passed. I'm the mother of a young person who is learning to drive.

I've been thinking about exposure this morning. I keep getting emails from all over the world since I spoke at the Epilepsy Pipeline Conference a week ago. The emails are long and involved. They tell me about treatments for seizures and they include abstracts from studies. They ask me questions and expect me to reply. When I don't reply, they wonder why. Sometimes I feel bored with this blog, and then I remember that people are reading it, that it's not all about me, but it is, and then I feel exposed. Self-exposed. Just something to think about.

It's been a while since I've written a rant and, frankly, rants sort of bore me now, too. At least my own rants bore me. I've been feeling sick to my stomach the last couple of days, thinking about that nasty Dick Cheney and his nasty spawned daughter and their jointly penned nasty piece in The Wall Street Journal. Have ya'll read it? If nothing else, Dick Cheney is proof that there's probably no God, at least a god of justice and light, because -- well -- Cheney is still alive, still believes in the righteousness of America's invasion of Iraq and still justifies our country's use of torture on prisoners. On top of it, he accuses President Obama of "not caring about terrorism." Maybe saying that Cheney is proof that there's no God is too strong a statement - maybe he does, in fact, prove that there is certainly an evil force in the world, some dark beast crouching toward -- forget it. Really, though, why the hell is he still talking, still spilling his fake heart-less venom all over us? Even George W. Bush has retreated to his ranch and self-portraits in the bathtub. I suppose there are plenty of people out there that think just like Cheney -- people I'm even related to, maybe -- so he has an audience, but like I said, I'm bored by rants and Cheney's viewpoint makes me sick to my stomach.

Here's a rant that's awesome in its vulgarity. I wonder if I'd feel liberated from my nausea if I'd written it.


  1. I feel exposed sometimes too. Especially living in a small town and people coming up to me at the library asking about things they read on my blog. I don't like it. I think everyone who blogs asks ourselves why we do it, from time to time. And then we just keep doing it, without an answer in my case.

    Congrats to Henry. I didn't read the Dick thing and I don't intend to.

    And thanks for your comment about existential angst in the middle of the night.

  2. Oh, Henry! How could this have happened?
    And you know what? Your words on Cheney and his daughter make me smile-happy-evil-delicious in my heart.
    So did the rant.
    And what does that make me?
    I really don't care.

  3. Please keep on ranting from time to time. I need someone who can translate my feelings into words and you seem to have the knack!

  4. I feel exposed too sometimes. To a much smaller audience, for sure, but exposed. There's a tiny portion of my audience that feels threatening when they respond. Never in public, of course. You are so brave. Your bravery helps me feel braver and stronger.

    Cheney and daughter. Yeah. Something dark roams the world. I try to think that looking it in the face helps me. I've looked it in the face, it doesn't care but it helps me identify it and move on. I don't know how we move on in the face of a Dick Cheney. I guess we just do.

    We take our kids to their driving tests (Yea Henry!), we go to work, we water the garden, we do what we do and try to hope.

  5. I haven't heard about or read Cheney's piece, but I will do so. What's interesting is that Tony Blair penned a piece about the Iraq war that ruffled feathers over here -- how the current crisis is NOT a result of the western invasion in 2002. I wonder if there's some sort of coordinated offensive afoot??? Am I being a conspiracy theorist?

  6. That Rude Pundit piece IS an awesome rant! It would be hilarious if the topic weren't so sobering.

  7. Thanks for the link, which is awesome, and congrats to Henry on passing (buckle your seatbelt mama!) and is that Sophie's photo on your wall? What a fabulous portrait!

  8. I take a few things from this:

    1. I would like to have the kind of exposure where I could feel exposed, but I do not yet. Rebuild in progress. Strategies required.

    2. Do you think this is annual for you? You get a certain, I don't know...bored kinda feeling when summer starts to hit. Your focal beam disperses a little.

    3. Thanks for introducing me to a new hero. I love that person's writing style. It was the last sentence I really clung to though, and while I am not sure the Almighty would actually SAY 'Eff it', I agree with the last statement...that he walked away a long time ago.

    I theorize that it actually occurred around AD 30 or AD 33. Then his role shifted to that of primarily one of being a watcher and assisting only on really Big Ticket items, like meteors. From then on, it became OUR world to fuck up.

    And have we ever.

  9. Well I guess the only option is to apologize. The intent was to share a helpful experience.
    So please accept my apology.
    Be assured I'll not come back,
    so please feel safe.
    Best wishes.

    1. No need to apologize, Bernhard. It's been a tumultuous and emotional few weeks. I appreciate the connections -- and all that I learn from others. I'm allowed to muse on these things, though, this life.

  10. Rants are exhausting. Sometimes you get to shrug and admit that parts of the world suck a monkey penis.

    It's okay not to respond to things when you've become a serious public figure. On the times when that's happened to me, a lot of folks have gotten a sincere thank you email without content, because responding with real content--the kind of content some of these folks deserve--isn't your job. And is--like rants!--exhausting.

    I should share the rubric I've created for decision-making about things like this. But I don't think I can upload it in the comments section.

  11. Yes, we are reading.

    And often, it's the best part of my day.

  12. I think it may feel like a lot of pressure sometimes that people feel you are the expert on this subject.



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