Monday, December 15, 2008
Fear, I discovered today,is a lump right in the middle of my chest. At first it's a quickening, a roar in the blood and then something is stuck right there and I try to brush it away with my hand but it's stuck there. I know it. I've felt it before. I can hear the blood in my vessels, in my veins, in my ears and everything is pounding but my head is light and it's right there in the center. From a brush to a press to a hold myself there, mindful that it's a physical sensation that has nothing to do with the actual fear. I take one, two, three deep breaths in and the fear in the middle wants to stick, wants to stay but the breath loosens it and it starts to seep out toward the edge like a flower, like blood, like a pool. And then it is gone and I go on.