Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I spent most of the day corralling anxiety. This time for The Husband who woke up one morning last week with double vision and what he calls a "numb mouth." He went to the doctor yesterday who basically said that it "could be any number of things or nothing." He ordered an MRI for today.

So, we're waiting.

And feeling a teensy, tinesy bit anxious.

I took the boys to a free comic book workshop this afternoon in a Los Angeles neighborhood that I don't know very well. If it weren't for the dark cloud hanging over my head, I would have been in heaven. The boys were in their class and I had two hours to kill. Right next door was an amazing, perfect little bookstore and cafe. The kind of bookstore that you don't see anymore -- small and crowded and filled with weird selections as well as used stuff, gifts, ephemera, etc. There were chairs to sit on, and stacks of books by the chairs. In the children's section, I found this:

This was a childhood favorite, and I haven't seen it in years. I bought it for $6.99, a giant iced Americano and a plate of cured salmon, slices of baguette toasted and cream cheese. I sat outside with my book of laughs and listened to Bob Dylan, wafting through the store and over all those books and right into my heart. They even played Love Minus Zero. I once had to pick my favorite love song of the millenia for a Y2K party, and that was what I picked. There's something about hearing a favorite song arbitrarily that fills me with joy.

In spite of the waiting.


  1. That kind of waiting is my LEAST favorite thing to do. It's fucking awful, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. Hang in there. Your day with the book, the bagel, the music- that is my idea of heaven, minus the worry, of course.

  2. So we are waiting for good news, right? That this is nothing more than grinding one's teeth at night that brings all kinds of trouble? Who would have "thunk"!
    I am thinking of you, and knowing with hopeful certainty that things are going to be alright. They have to be. They will be.

  3. I'm so sorry you have this on your plate too! I hope the news is good, or nothing. Lots of love to you!

  4. I hope you're waiting on the nothing. My best with those results.

    That kinda of bookstore and moment...that's one sweet kinda afternoon.

  5. You know, my husband gets that and it goes away with a chiropractic adjustment. Here's to hoping that's all it takes. Thinking mighty good thoughts your way.

  6. Yes. I am with everyone else- hoping that all of this passes and becomes a vague memory. "Remember when...?"
    But it's so hard. I know that constant fear.
    And seeing that book made me laugh. I think I still have a copy around here somewhere.

  7. you picked a great millenium love song...'she knows there's no success like failure and that failure's no success at all'...exquisite.

    prayers for the waiting as well as the results...

  8. How difficult those waiting spaces are. We will wait with you, and hope for the best.

    I'm so glad that you & your boys wandered into a soul-soothing place, just when you needed it.

  9. I remember Book of Laughs!! Have we ever had a conversation about our favorite childhood books? Next time...

    I'm saying a prayer that the numb mouth turns out to be something trivial and easy to fix...

  10. I'm going with stress. I was pre med you know.
    OK, so I wasn't pre med...but I love Greys Anatomy...
    this is just what you needed to come home to, right? SO sorry. Makes me sad and pisses me off all at once.
    I have been in "the waiting room" with Nick's health before...not a fun place to be. Waiting is never good. Although they DO say GOOD things come to those who wait. Regardless...while you wait, I will pray...

  11. Oh, damn, the swirly cone of hope and fear. I hate when life passes those out.

    I hope it turns out to be nothing.

  12. I remember the Book of Laughs--one of the best ever.

    My vote for best love song would also be a Dylan song, but it would be "Follow You Down."

    Hope all is OK with the medical tests. Fingers crossed. Heart hoping.

  13. Love Minus Zero has been one of our favorite songs forever. In fact, in a previous life I taught it when I was an English teacher.

  14. Thinking of you and your husband...



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...