Tuesday, December 24, 2013

This'll Crack the Christmas Blues Out of You and Up

Crushing Christmas: How to Win Every Argument

Shut down your relatives' political chit-chat with patent, confusing nonsense.
“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
Soon, many of us will head into the cozy crucible that is the extended family Christmas dinner. There will be side-hugs, nuts with the shells on, starchy dishes, small talk, and then (sure as spring turns to summer turns to glowing autumn), it’s time for Opinions on Issues of the Day and also Life Choices You Are Making.
Perhaps in the past, you’ve imagined that facts and well-reasoned arguments would work. Maybe diplomatic re-routing was the way to go. Keeping the same not-smile smile on your face, nodding quickly and answering with one word. How did these stratagems work out for you?
No more. This year, you stop bringing a pleasant, reasonable knife to a gunfight. This year, your responses will completely derail any conversation in progress. This year, your dinner table blather will leave everyone feeling quiet, unsettled, and somehow reminded of that time at summer camp when an allergic kid got stung by a bee and then died.
If you're not jolly, yet, you need to go have some Milk Punch or a shot of bourbon on the rocks.


  1. I love this article. I sent it to a friend of mine who is dreading Christmas dinner this year, she just left her husband. As for me, I'm drinking wine and cooking up some special brownies for my baby girl.

  2. "Get fucked, Aunt Susan."
    Yeah. Like that.



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