Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Breaking News: Mixing it Up

No, it's not another miracle. Henry did not actually make the varsity baseball team, hence the confusion; Oliver did not get picked up by private jet and taken to Switzerland to join his father; Sophie did not stop seizing entirely and start quoting my favorite poems, and I did not get a request from Javier Bardem to have a child with him as he decided Penelope Cruz is too thin.

The Captain and Tennille are getting divorced.

In lieu of becoming a Bourgeois Dirge Blogger, I thought I'd write a series of stupid posts and chronicle things like Lifetime television movies (hence, the Gabby Gifford story) or My Celebrity Memories.

My memory of the Captain and Tennille is, of course, the same as yours if you're of a certain age. The photo above is my fifth grade school picture -- or maybe sixth grade -- circa 1975 or 1976. I have vivid and exciting memories of lying on my side in bed on a Sunday morning, listening to Kasey Kasim's Top 40, thrilled when Love Will Keep Us Together came on as the number one song, week after week. I can see their album in my mind's eye at the front of the stack of albums resting on my green shag carpeting, just below my stereo with the smoky gray lid. I remember like it was yesterday when a group of us on the neighborhood subdivision swim team, went to Six Flags Over Georgia and listened to them the whole way there and back. That was the same trip that we were disciplined by park officials after throwing ice and soda over the sky buckets onto the heads of people below (I had no hand in this other than being in the group that did such outlandish things, which became a sort of pattern for me being the good girl with the wild friends and boyfriends).


I might have gotten chill bumps when I heard Muskrat Love, listened to Do That To Me One More Time while chewing on a Sugar Daddy and reading a Harlequin Romance novel. Have I ever told you that despite being quite well-read, I went through a period in my tweens and early teens when I was a member of a Harlequin Romance Novel club? Yes, sirreee Bob.

I told you the Dirge Blog was being replaced by a half-assed TMZ replicant that uses expressions like Yes, sirree Bob and Anyhoo. 

Back to the Captain and Toni. Yes, they're getting divorced, evidently after 39 years of marriage. The Captain is 71 years old and reportedly didn't see it coming. Good lord, Daryl (has the name Daryl come back, yet?)! I hope they both find happiness apart. I also learned that the couple were discovered by Neil Diamond, no less, in Burbank and that Daryl and I share the same birthday! Just the day, obviously.

I believe my life has come full circle. When I lay on my back with my big head-phones, my Hollie Hobbie necklace dangling down my turtleneck, listening to the Captain and his big-toothed lady, Burbank was like another planet, and now I live just down the road!

Yes, Siree Bob!


  1. I think I had one of their cassette tapes back in the day. Why bother to divorce after all of those years? I guess love didn't keep them together after all. Too bad.

  2. I feel for those who don't see it coming, even though I sometimes wonder if that is truly possible or simply a state of denial. The thought of starting over at 71 after 39 years is a daunting one, regardless!

  3. Wow. Thanks for the hit of nostalgia. The songs will be in my head all night long.

  4. Yeah. I had a late teens jaunt with Harlequin. My grandma betty used to give them to me having dog-eared the "naughty pages" so I would skip them.


  5. WoW! One more time was just one too many, apparently. Sorry for the Captain. Hope Toni will be happy. Dontcha love focusing on our Hollywood friends....takes the pressure off our own crazy lives. Seriously, how did Muskrat Love ever become a hit??? Keep writing!!!

  6. And you say you're not funny. Not funny, my ass! I am "of a certain age" and relate to every cultural reference above, dear Lord!

  7. You are awesome I tell you.
    I can't believe what you remember from that time -- the details.
    I had a shag carpet too. My sister and I shared a room, and the coolest was when my mom got us this bright orange ceiling lamp - it had a huge round lightbulb surrounded by orange beads that hung on strings. I loved Holly Hobbie too. So there ya go.

  8. I discovered Harlequin Romances at my Auntie Pearl's house one summer. I read a shitload of those too. They were like candy.

  9. I was a Nancy Drew girl, myself. I used to fall asleep (at 10 years of age) with my little white plastic transistor radio on the pillow beside my head. I had a deal: I would turn it off after my favorite song came recall on what that song was. And I, too, remember that avocado green shag carpet...and the avocado green kitchen appliances. Whoa.

    Poor Captain...what is he to do? Maybe the fact he didn't see it coming says something about why it came about. Talk about a disconnect.

  10. Appropos of sister aways called them the Captain and Toe Nail

  11. I went through a Dean Koontz and Mary Higgins Clark phase in 5th grade. And you know I named my daughter after those Clan of the Cave Bear books--neanderthal romance and all that.

  12. My favorite new expressions are: Dagnabit... Bob's your uncle and Peg's your aunt.... and Heavenly Day!

    Of course I call my significant other(husband) My Butter Duck Luckins.... so that may explain it all!

  13. Sure brings back a lot of preteen memories for me too-- I thought they were soooo cool, almost as much as Sonny and Cher!--Michelle Wolf

  14. I remember them, but not that well. I was in my early 20s in the 70s, I was listening to other stuff then. I get what it is to have to end a marriage after a long, long time and in my case a houseful of offspring. For me 34 years and 8 kids. How can it happen? I don't know the celebrity couple's story but mine...did I believe every "I love you" and every "I'm so sorry I'll never do it again, please let's keep trying?" Was it unthinkable to me that a man could lie straight-faced to a therapist as well as he could to me? Yep. I guess my big flaw was naivety.Could I have seen it coming? Probably. Did I think it would actually happen when I was 59? Not really, nope. I don't know about the Captain. Who knows? I hope neither of them are struggling financially. That part can really suck. Lost dreams and hopes always suck. I know that weird feeling of being broadsided. And I suppose I should add, I know old men and women can survive.

  15. LOL -- I love this post! How did I miss it a few days ago? I had no idea the Captain and Tennille were still together, to be honest. But seriously, why even BOTHER to get a divorce after 39 years of marriage, when you're 71?! Far be it from me to judge and I don't know the circumstances, but "that just don't make no sense," as one of my friends often says.



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