Sunday, April 6, 2014

Sunday



I have that something in the back of my throat and my head, that fuzzy ache that I would deny. Coffee and an Advil,  the blue sky and violent pink of the bougainvillea, the bird racket conspire. Last night I dreamt (humor the telling) of New York City, of a taxi ride so far uptown that the streets were deserted, newspaper blowing, cold tinny air and my old friend's (my oldest friend's) dark apartment building that I found myself in front of without purse or keys, the people milling in the lobby, opening and closing the door of the vestibule yet I wouldn't sneak in, wouldn't slip through the door on someone's heels as it opened or closed, stifling my panic on where I would go and how I would ever leave.

The dog's devoted gaze and my own dismissal.

The charade of intention.

The relentless desire to flee.

5 comments:

  1. You have no idea how close this hits home for me this second. And in fact, I locked myself out of the building where I'm staying an hour ago. Just got back in.
    And I don't know where to be.
    Feel better.

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  2. I too am feeling that relentless desire to flee so powerfully evoked here. Is it spring shaking us up?

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  3. I know that feeling, and you express it so well. "The charade of intention." Wow. Know all about that as well. May peace settle within you, and soon.

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  4. I wonder if all parents of disabled children feel trapped? Or is it just parents? Or women? Or humans? Not sure, but I feel the same way. Unable to escape.

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  5. It is an odd time, I think. Everyone I know is experiencing some inexplicable stuck-ness or desire to be "other than" right now. I think the Universe is roiling at change and doing it's darndest to surmount some obstacles - like salmon babies heading up the fish ladder. I am firm in my belief that this signals good things to come, but for now it is hard to be here. Sending love and light.

    ReplyDelete

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