Sophie is not back in school until next week. She slept in this morning and it was around noon that I heard her stir. I went into her room and she was indeed awake but having her usual wake-up myoclonic seizures. These are jerks -- her arms and legs fly out and about -- happen in a cluster that can go on for twenty or more minutes. I sat, patiently, with her, reciting the Sanskrit words sa ta na ma, sa ta na ma over and over and over and then drew her up near me, lay my hand over her left temporal lobe and pretended to be a healer. I looked into her eyes and looked away for good measure. When I cradled her like a baby, I recited lord have mercy, christ have mercy, lord have mercy, christ have mercy over and over and over. When it all stopped -- the seizing and the praying, I went to the kitchen to get her drink. But when I came back she went into a full tonic episode with much groaning and whimpering. Awful. Just plain awful.
I don't know what possessed me or what was possessing me, but I was calm. When it was through, I lay her down and covered her with a blanket and lay back myself on her bed.
God damn Rite-Aid Pharmacy, I thought.
God damn Anthem Blue Cross, I added. I still don't have the new drug.
That made me smile -- at myself.