Because I'm Being Obtuse

of late, I think that I should perhaps come clean. The image, below, of the stones, a cairn I think it's called is something we came upon two weeks ago in Yosemite. Someone had built these beautiful symbols of tranquillity and balance in the creek. They are clean and pure.

These are the things I'm thinking about these days, hiding behind wit and irony and projecting onto the issues of the day:

1. Sophie is doing well but it's tiresome to care for her day in and day out, always feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough and knowing full well that it is enough to love.

2. Scared shitless that my respite care, already minimal, is going to be cut.

3. Ignoring a shrinking bank account, knowing that I can't really afford the help I have but not seeing a way out. I'll go insane.

4. Opening my eyes in the morning and running through my worries, literally, for the first time in my life. I used to be a morning person.

5. A flailing through the spiritual and waiting, perhaps impatiently, for grace.

6. Wondering what the long-term effects of this embattled life and feelings are doing to my boys.

7. Aware simultaneously that I need to meditate more often, pray, exercise and this is all illusion.

And that's all. The rest is obfuscation.